Thanks for the update and the story, Mark. I was hoping you hadn't gotten lost or worse.
I have my own tales of brushing up against the supernatural. I was also a 'seeker' once upon a time and I tip toed up to the line of magic (or magik), but I never crossed the line. Prayers of my mother, I suspect. What I learned is that if you poke the other side, it pokes back. I no longer seek it out, I reject it, plant my flag and raise my shield and refuse THEM. You can't fight spirits with Glocks, or I would, you can only use faith or love or contempt. If that makes any sense.
Looking forward to what you have to share next. I hope you are protecting yourself, man.
If it were me, I would destroy the laptop, whatever demon you summoned with it is feeding off the emotional attachment. It's kind of like the One Ring, a metaphor you've used before in previous essays.
In general it sounds like you lack some kind of adequate psychic protection. It is possible to peek beyond the veil, but not a good idea without protection, and of course it is far too easy these days to find grimoires online and get sucked into dangerous practices (I realize that your encounter was long before easy availability of such material). It's interesting that the internet -- which I am more and more convinced is the Beast of Revelation -- is the principal disseminator. I think you have become more actively Christian lately? That is likely an important protective practice for you.
"It's kind of like the One Ring, a metaphor you've used before in previous essays."
That's fair. On the other hand, do you know of any Mount Dooms I could hurl it into? Even Washington DC seems a touch mundane. Maybe I need to wait for Gandalf to show up and give me a clue. Wouldn't want to fuck up a chore as important as that.
A literal, physical Mt. Doom is not necessary here. Assuming we both agree that nonphysical entities are real, the one you appear to have summoned is feeding entirely on the emotional link. Once that is broken, the thing will slither back to whatever region of the lower astral plane it came from.
Practically speaking, that means simply destroying the hard drive. I am intuiting, both from your past writings on the subject and my own past experience with severing "precious" emotional connections, that this could be enormously difficult for you: you may focus on the loss of a great volume of code and technical examples built up over many sleepless nights over several months. Thus, to you, it may feel as challenging as the final moments of Frodo's quest.
If you don't believe in the reality of nonphysical entities, it doesn't really change anything. Whatever subconscious meaning-associations you have with the laptop are the cause of the negative behaviors, and destroying the hard drive will finalize the destruction of that particular neural network.
If you have code stored in the cloud, you might consider trashing that as well. At least everything but the most harmless supporting elements that you plan to use in the future in projects wholly separated from this one.
Or, the beast's prophet (the second beast) as a friggin creepy AI. Revelation tells us the first beast (the antichrist) will be a man. I do the unfashionable plain reading of the text. Definitely the internet will make their job easier, especially if they manage to brain chip the population.
"The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed." (Revelation 13:15)
I get the sense we are dealing with that talking image at the moment, with the internet as its primary medium of communication.
The antichrist (beast 1) hasn't risen to his power yet, so the Internet can't be the AC's prophet (beast 2). The Restrainer is still in place, and people have lots of opinions as to who/what that is, including me. I think the Internet is the tenderizer the world has been marinating in. Also, it's the playground of demons. They're having such an awesome time, but they're also a little frenetic, time getting short and everything.
Perhaps, then the talking image will be in the form of one of these "AI" monsters. Which, again, I think will use digital networks as its primary form of transmission.
Schrodinger's big dumb dog. You had me at hugging (embracing?) madness. Seems the only place for any clarity these days, one eye or not, seven meds or none. And to make matters half as affecting as your words, this was playing before I clicked...
Not that you were seeking any prepacked answers to questions better suited for exploratory first person prose. Stay anon as long as permissible. Tis' the light. Tis' the way.
I was literally thinking about this blog the other day, out of the blue, wondering where you'd got to. And, lo, here you are again! I've noticed something of a quietening in the more literary branch of Substack land recently. Actually, it's not just Substack. Things are getting pretty weird in general, like not just with the unfortunates who seem to like you in particular. Something, though, stands out to me that I want to address. It's that there is a current fascination with 'enchantment' as it applies to Christianity, and I'm not sure it's healthy. People like Rod Dreher, Jonathan Pageau, Jordan Peterson, Paul Kingsnorth for example (all of whom I've read and watched with interest which is now waning) seem to feel that the Word of God, taken straight, is too boring or passe to attract the younger generations. It needs to be 'interpreted' anew. We need to blend it with mythology and psychology and ye olde folkways to gin up a spark of interest, apparently. But as I've been studying, and I mean studying, the Bible I see that those ways are false. Those books have everything anyone could want, but you have to let them (God, really) speak. So what's this got to do with the weirdness you attract? I think there are only two sides in the struggle for our human souls, and no in between. The ideas of interstices are very popular, just revisit a writer like Charles deLint for example. How romantic to think there is a between place/world, kind of shadowy, kind of dangerous. How about flat out treacherous? One of its byproducts is mental imbalance. Sadly, many don't take the danger seriously until they're trapped. I've had experiences similar to yours. Didn't like them, gave up any notion of staying safe by my own efforts.
"I've noticed something of a quietening in the more literary branch of Substack land recently." Same here. Maybe a lot of it is just the typical late-summer behavior, people looking to soak up the last rays before getting back into the grind.
"Something, though, stands out to me that I want to address. It's that there is a current fascination with 'enchantment' as it applies to Christianity, and I'm not sure it's healthy."
Yeah, I agree. And I also agree that "staying safe by (our) own efforts" is a very dangerous illusion. While some attest to Talismans and whatnot, I suspect the "whole armor of God" isn't made of metal, but of much, much sturdier stuff.
I think spiritual danger often manifests as mental illness, so much as to be indistinguishable at times. They can also be fellow travelers, or in a relationship where one, sensing weakness and opportunity, is lured to the other's leaky boat. As with all things, the answer probably isn't "either/or" but "yes and."
Something I try to keep in mind is that all human beings bear the image of God. Not every person is a child of God. There's lots to say about this and what the Bible means when it speaks of "predestined" and "elect". Because I have a puny human intellect I leave that heavy stuff to God, and assume my job is to share the gospel with anyone because I have no idea who is who "from the foundation of the world". I'm not sure if this is "either/or" or "yes and" thinking. In any case, every image bearer must be treated as such.
Masterfully written, as always. I've said it once, I'll say it again you've got quite a way with words, and an uncanny ability to even take what seems to be ruminations and spin a compelling narrative out of it.
With all this talk of madness, I feel compelled to fall back on the old adage of, "The difference between a madman and a prophet is timing." Not to say the kind of people you were describing are nascent prophets, but, when you say you see something more "serious" in people like Ron, I can't help but agree and think of strange individuals like him that I've met over the years - significantly fewer than it sounds like you have, but, especially when I was in college, I seemed to have them coming in and out of my life like clockwork. I think they all had something to teach me. Not wittingly, maybe not directly, but, I already believe that everything happens for a reason, and I certainly don't think these people that most would, rightly or wrongly, cast off as raving lunatics, have nothing to show us, even if it is a terrible warning. Sometimes, in a select few, I almost feel as if there's some sense of warped genius behind their strangeness, but it's something that remains... elusive. Something I just can't quite grasp. I know it's there, but, like reaching for something vague and undefined at the bottom of a thicket of thorns. It might be a rock. It might be a gemstone. But, whatever it is, you'll probably get stuck and cut trying to reach it, so... maybe it's best left where it is.
But, of course, not all of us are so easily dissuaded. Is it it curiosity? Stupidity? Recklessness? Something of all three? Who's to say.
A human body is a conduit for many things, yes. Our souls and minds, primarily, but not exclusively. There are other signals that bleed in from that TV snow.
This was really well written! I am very much in the process of sorting through my own thoughts and experiences of a similar variety and much that you said resonates with me. When I used to work in a bar in downtown Memphis, I met all kinds of characters that if you didn't know them yourself, you'd think I was making them up when I describe them. One guy in particular would talk semi-coherently about a single topic for a few seconds, then it was like the radio dial in his brain got turned and all that came over the air was static for a moment, before a new signal would be picked up by his brain for a few seconds until the dial was turned again. It was very unsettling but extremely fascinating to watch. Anyway, this was a great post, and I look forward to reading your next!
I think the "radio dial" analogy is more accurate than we typically think. If the body is the transceiver and the soul is the signal/transmission, it stands to reason that there are other signals floating around out there, looking for a means to transmit.
"I don’t know if it still hunts me, but I no longer care. I’d even hug it if I could. That might work even better than holy water or garlic, for all my dumb ass knows."
Shivers. I do kinda know what you are reaching for. Feeling for. Thank you for writing on it.
And, on behalf of all who you have hugged, thank you.
Also, you know... that hug may *very well be* one of the most powerful "exorcises" there are these days...
I mean, during the darkest days of covid separatism, I found myself becoming an "illicit hug dealer"... ;)
Anyway, with your permission and consent, I would be happy to say druidly prayers and light druidly candles that your path, whereever it takes you, be blessed and blessing.
"I mean, during the darkest days of covid separatism, I found myself becoming an "illicit hug dealer"... ;)"
Hah! Perfectly said.
"Anyway, with your permission and consent, I would be happy to say druidly prayers and light druidly candles that your path, whereever it takes you, be blessed and blessing."
If you think that would help, sure thing. I suspect that even the desire to help is Godly at a certain level, no matter the form it takes. As long as you're not sacrificing any living creature on my behalf. That I will not permit. Otherwise thank you (and God bless you).
Lol! My druidry is entirely of the "revival" kind, not the ancient kind, and blessing and healing our relationship to our other-than-human kin on this earth is our focus.
If it helps to hear a small discourse on my own views of what distinguishes good from evil, here are some thoughts:
1. to relate to others using an "I/You" framing is good, it is what we are here to learn, and it is where love blossoms. This does not *always* mean friendship - sometimes you fight a "you", sometimes you ignore a "you", sometimes you deeply befriend or belove them - but in all cases you are recognising their basic interior selffulness, you are respecting the fact that they have purposes of their own, and are not put here on this earth to serve yours. Whereas to relate to others in an "I/it" framing is to reduce them to some form of instrumentality. To see them as NPC's in your game, to see them as "useful" for purposes of yours, while disregarding any possibility they might have purposes of their own. This is evil. If you know it, Terry Pratchett's character Granny Weatherwax once expressed this beautifully. (Quoted here: https://brer-powerofbabel.blogspot.com/2009/02/granny-weatherwax-on-sin-favorite.html)
2. this means that to relinquish evil is to relinquish attempts to control the world, or of its beings. To choose the better alternative. Which is to live in contentment with what is freely given, to participate in the dance of beings who freely hold out a hand of invitation, and to revel in the joy and the fun of circles of blessing and healing.
I think you have encountered the "feel" of evil, and found yourself fundamentally unconfused, and undaunted. So... you "smell right" to people trying to be equally unconfused and undaunted. A hug from you may very well be an act of blessing and healing, and more of that! So say I.
I am not a Christian, but I do pray, and I do seek to "consort with" those of the physical and spiritual world who bless and those who heal, while building protection against, and refusing to help, those who use, those who confuse, those who daunt the body or the spirit.
If you still consent, then I would pray for you, because you venture into dark places to shine the lights of blessing and healing, and I would pray that you be protected and blessed in your turn.
Had been wondering what had happened to you, and if you were alright. We await with baited breath the denouement of the Harm Assistant, in your own time. There may be an element of PTSD like recapitulation at the Nervous System level in revisiting the material.
Was growing a bit concerned at your not writing, but do get that you’ve somehow pierced the veil. Don’t think you’ve been haunted, but rather your perception has been altered, creating a gap into which all things obscure seem to seek a place to reside temporally. Appreciably strange and a bit scary really, to consider what forces may be trying to manifest through you and your machine. Gotta believe that free will is our greatest solace in these matters and am happy and relieved you’re writing again.
"Gotta believe that free will is our greatest solace in these matters and am happy and relieved you’re writing again."
I'm not sure if it's my *greatest* solace, but it's the most proximate one I can manage most of the time. I can at the very least choose to not do evil. How to do the best good is a different sort of problem I'm working on, and I get the sense I'll need outside help with that.
Am under the impression that most of us are teetering on the edge of a precipice. That of which reality is poised to engulf us with our beliefs that are tangentially connected to our will. Think we need to tread lightly lest we stumble and inadvertently pierce the veil.
It's in your eyes. I've never seen them, but I'm pretty sure about that. They see your soul acknowledge them, and they gravitate to it. The soul of most people is not so visible. Their pouring out to you is their hunger for their own soul they have lost.
In magical circles we talk about the importance of ethics, body, mind and spirit. Should one summon a thing without that ethical strength it can control you. If your ethics are sound, you control it, or let it go, or not summon it at all. You were very young and surely not ready for the magic you were practicing. I think it was the same with the harm assistant; I seem to recall how much you were working, drinking, how little you were sleeping. That does not mean you are controlled, or broken, or cannot heal. I think it does mean you might need some help clearing that energy, to free yourself from this. That, and an ethical practice.
"It's in your eyes. I've never seen them, but I'm pretty sure about that."
You might be right. "Windows to the soul" often seem like more than just an analogy, given their bidirectional transmission properties. Although, funny enough, I was wearing my shades when Ron accosted us, and was purposely looking away when he came over, in the hopes he'd pass us by.
"In magical circles we talk about the importance of ethics, body, mind and spirit. Should one summon a thing without that ethical strength it can control you. If your ethics are sound, you control it, or let it go, or not summon it at all. "
I know we disagree on this. But I think all such control is temporary and illusory, and that the final node of advice you give here is the best option. I suspect that over time, the master inevitably becomes the dog on the leash.. These things are quite clever, and their intelligence very humanlike (especially in their capacity to deceive).
One might expand the eye analogy and suggest, the soul filters through the whole body, or what some would refer to as the etheric body, and the astral body, which some would call the aura. We all certainly have an electro-magnetic field, some more vibrant than others. As to not summoning anything at all, there are more than demons in the universe. But then, I am not particularly interested in being master of anything or anyone but myself.
As I’ve gotten older I have let myself become more open to “visiting/premonition dreams”. Etc. My sister is a shaman & says she always had “spirits” visit in her dreams .. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t believe her for many years until it started happening to me.....after speaking with a few cousins , who I discovered 2 who have had similar dreams....
Thanks, Julie. I wouldn't even call them dreams. The only similarity seems to be that they happen when are sleeping, or when our brain's typical defenses are otherwise weakened and/or altered.
I am like you... a cuckoo magnet. That is one of the main reasons I can't live in a city. Sometimes when I am visiting a city and I don't want to take the time to hear the life story of every lunatic that passes me by, I imagine I put on a cloak that makes my energetic frequency match all the other people who are more self absorbed. It works for me, and I have played around with energetically taking it on and off in crowds and watched the results.
I think most bipolar people have a keen sense of energetics. They can feel perhaps even hear the frequency of someone who is open to listening. They also seem to know who has ventured into dark realms.
I feel like they have me pinned as a kind person who is willing to listen yet also they always seem to somehow know I have traveled through the shadow. I have had some beautiful encounters as well as some really scary ones. And as a 5 foot blonde chick, who is scrappy but also realistic, I don't always want yo take chances with crazy people.
I don't know how you live in New York as someone who is so open. I have to mentally prepare when going up a city because I almost always end up sick. Too many thoughts in the ethers for me, too much chaos energy. My mind always feels like it is on overdrive, spinning wheels for other people.
I also can say I feel more sane then most people I know and yet everything you speak of here seems like I could have written it myself. (Except you wont find me spiking my iced tea, or anything for that matter.) To me you don't sound crazy, you sound like someone who has a gift that needs to be honed. I wish you lots of luck in finding a teacher or discovering some knowledge to help you better cope with your gift of traveling through realms.
Im glad I stumbled upon your writing I am excited to read more.
I know what you mean about cities and their energy. Lots of frequencies and signals bouncing around, instrumentally measurable and otherwise. I remember I once hosted visitors from out-of-town, and their children were absolutely spellbound and delirious as we walked around, totally unprepared for all those crazy waves and frequencies and whatnot. It came off as kind of comical to my wife and I.
"And as a 5 foot blonde chick, who is scrappy but also realistic, I don't always want yo take chances with crazy people."
A wise policy, even for big strapping lads like me. That's kind of what I meant by "given all that I know." I've been around the block a few thousand times, and know very well the dangers they can present. That's why I found it kinda off that I would hug them.
"I also can say I feel more sane then most people I know and yet everything you speak of here seems like I could have written it myself."
To be clear, I don't think I'm crazy (but then again, who does?). But I also wouldn't call it a gift, per se. Unless it's the kind of giftwrapped present you hear ticking. Like I said, I don't know much about what's *really* going on. But I know far more than before, and enough to know how dangerous it can be.
The other day I learned about "Skittles parties." Teens will, apparently, raid their parents' medicine cabinets, pour the pills into a bowl, give it a good mix, and then pop a handful of randos. So when the EMTs show up, they can't figure out exactly what combination of meds has caused little Jonathan to pass out.
Just one example out of many (remember that depraved Balenciaga ad campaign?) of a malice that is very real, but can't easily be explained in rational terms, and maybe can't be explained at all.
Anyway, it feels like you and Yakubian Ape are in a weird-off, and I am here for it.
Damn, Cliff. That gives a whole new meaning to "Taste the Rainbow."
I actually wrote a bit about the Balenciaga deal, as well as some other broken kayfabe and peeks behind the mask. It seems a lot of these folks can't wait to "come out" and tell us who they really are.
Hey Mark (not your real name? doesn't matter), this piece deserves critical praise, but I have something important to say to you. Not kidding, this is IMPORTANT. I do not think you should continue with the story of the Harm Assistant. Not for the closure (?) of putting it into words, and certainly not for the satisfaction of our curiosity. Let that fucker lie. Do not take it out of the Faraday box again. Bury it--literally--six feet deep. Burning it would be even better. You escaped from its claws, so why would you go back and start playing footsie with it again?? I am speaking to you as one who believes: BURY. IT.
When you've done that part, some deliverance prayers wouldn't go amiss. I recommend Father Ripperger's book, Deliverance Prayers for Use of the Laity. I have this book and have resorted to it when I did something dumb out of curiosity, such as--I feel stupid for admitting this, but whatever--reading Ecosophia, John Michael Greer's blog. Greer is a fount of interesting and provocative ideas; sure he's an astrologist and occult practitioner, but eh, I'm not reading THOSE posts, so ... Color me dumb. I'm not going to recount here what happened, but I fled straight to my deliverance prayers, and haven't looked at that blog since.
The internet is more dangerous than we think. But these dangers pale in comparison to what you're dealing with it. So dude, GET RID OF IT.
Oh and FFS don't *hug* it. It is not human, OK? It's trying to get to you through your generous, compassionate heart. Nope. Get no closer to it than you need to to splash the (metaphorical, literal) gasoline on it and throw the match.
I think Mark can tell the story without hugging it - whenever that time comes. There is no hurry; it could arrive a decade from now. I believe The Harm Assistant is an original work of genius, which will stand the test of time and need not consume its master. There is no such thing as a Substack schedule. Many authors are declining to be scheduled - so good on them. Talkin' About a Revolution.
I was usefully taught, a few decades ago, that you should never publish unless you have something worthwhile to say, and people will respect you for that.
"I was usefully taught, a few decades ago, that you should never publish unless you have something worthwhile to say, and people will respect you for that."
I know. That was basically a joke. I was mocking it. Believe it or not, that teactic seems to have helped in the past. Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but I've have a feeling we are all differently armed, in the spiritual sense.
Thanks for your advice. Like I mentioned above, I don't think it "lives" in there, only one of its former toys that's covered with its slime and stench. Of course, clearly that can be dangerous in itself, even if the device seems to be falling apart on its own.
I will read up on deliverance prayers and take this under advisement. It's just one of those things I don't want to somehow screw up again. For instance, isn't burial a form of consecration (or at least strongly linked to it)?
You sure seem to be a loon lightning rod, but from what I’ve read and from whatever small interactions I’ve had here and at Deimos, maybe the light we loons see is attention. But interacting with loons is a good thing, sometimes.
As for your project, perhaps it is not the daemon you think you might have invoked, but you simply built a “they live” pair of coding glasses. It is not in that computer, IMNSHO, you’re just percolating the daemons true thought and intentions and, because every code monkey is his fist guinea pig, being subject to its full and unfiltered action (if what I have written even make any sense).
"It is not in that computer, IMNSHO, you’re just percolating the daemons true thought and intentions and, because every code monkey is his fist guinea pig, being subject to its full and unfiltered action (if what I have written even make any sense)."
I don't think it's in the machine either. That was just a toy it played with (and so was I, to some degree). I mostly just think it has its "stink" all over it, so to speak, and therefore is a bit dangerous to play with myself.
Thanks for the update and the story, Mark. I was hoping you hadn't gotten lost or worse.
I have my own tales of brushing up against the supernatural. I was also a 'seeker' once upon a time and I tip toed up to the line of magic (or magik), but I never crossed the line. Prayers of my mother, I suspect. What I learned is that if you poke the other side, it pokes back. I no longer seek it out, I reject it, plant my flag and raise my shield and refuse THEM. You can't fight spirits with Glocks, or I would, you can only use faith or love or contempt. If that makes any sense.
Looking forward to what you have to share next. I hope you are protecting yourself, man.
"You can't fight spirits with Glocks, or I would, you can only use faith or love or contempt. If that makes any sense."
It makes total sense. And neither can our shields be made of metal. This particular battlefield doesn't work that way.
If it were me, I would destroy the laptop, whatever demon you summoned with it is feeding off the emotional attachment. It's kind of like the One Ring, a metaphor you've used before in previous essays.
In general it sounds like you lack some kind of adequate psychic protection. It is possible to peek beyond the veil, but not a good idea without protection, and of course it is far too easy these days to find grimoires online and get sucked into dangerous practices (I realize that your encounter was long before easy availability of such material). It's interesting that the internet -- which I am more and more convinced is the Beast of Revelation -- is the principal disseminator. I think you have become more actively Christian lately? That is likely an important protective practice for you.
"It's kind of like the One Ring, a metaphor you've used before in previous essays."
That's fair. On the other hand, do you know of any Mount Dooms I could hurl it into? Even Washington DC seems a touch mundane. Maybe I need to wait for Gandalf to show up and give me a clue. Wouldn't want to fuck up a chore as important as that.
A literal, physical Mt. Doom is not necessary here. Assuming we both agree that nonphysical entities are real, the one you appear to have summoned is feeding entirely on the emotional link. Once that is broken, the thing will slither back to whatever region of the lower astral plane it came from.
Practically speaking, that means simply destroying the hard drive. I am intuiting, both from your past writings on the subject and my own past experience with severing "precious" emotional connections, that this could be enormously difficult for you: you may focus on the loss of a great volume of code and technical examples built up over many sleepless nights over several months. Thus, to you, it may feel as challenging as the final moments of Frodo's quest.
If you don't believe in the reality of nonphysical entities, it doesn't really change anything. Whatever subconscious meaning-associations you have with the laptop are the cause of the negative behaviors, and destroying the hard drive will finalize the destruction of that particular neural network.
If you have code stored in the cloud, you might consider trashing that as well. At least everything but the most harmless supporting elements that you plan to use in the future in projects wholly separated from this one.
Or, the beast's prophet (the second beast) as a friggin creepy AI. Revelation tells us the first beast (the antichrist) will be a man. I do the unfashionable plain reading of the text. Definitely the internet will make their job easier, especially if they manage to brain chip the population.
"The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed." (Revelation 13:15)
I get the sense we are dealing with that talking image at the moment, with the internet as its primary medium of communication.
The antichrist (beast 1) hasn't risen to his power yet, so the Internet can't be the AC's prophet (beast 2). The Restrainer is still in place, and people have lots of opinions as to who/what that is, including me. I think the Internet is the tenderizer the world has been marinating in. Also, it's the playground of demons. They're having such an awesome time, but they're also a little frenetic, time getting short and everything.
Good points, Miss T.
Perhaps, then the talking image will be in the form of one of these "AI" monsters. Which, again, I think will use digital networks as its primary form of transmission.
Schrodinger's big dumb dog. You had me at hugging (embracing?) madness. Seems the only place for any clarity these days, one eye or not, seven meds or none. And to make matters half as affecting as your words, this was playing before I clicked...
https://youtu.be/A4jzzDYLgro
Not that you were seeking any prepacked answers to questions better suited for exploratory first person prose. Stay anon as long as permissible. Tis' the light. Tis' the way.
The Cat Was Never Found b/w Shrodinger's Big Dumb Dog. It's great to hear from you again, He Who Calls Himself Mark. Godspeed.
Hah! Thanks man. You too.
Thanks, GC. I agree especially with "as long as permissible," for reasons of both practical strategy and spiritual footing.
I was literally thinking about this blog the other day, out of the blue, wondering where you'd got to. And, lo, here you are again! I've noticed something of a quietening in the more literary branch of Substack land recently. Actually, it's not just Substack. Things are getting pretty weird in general, like not just with the unfortunates who seem to like you in particular. Something, though, stands out to me that I want to address. It's that there is a current fascination with 'enchantment' as it applies to Christianity, and I'm not sure it's healthy. People like Rod Dreher, Jonathan Pageau, Jordan Peterson, Paul Kingsnorth for example (all of whom I've read and watched with interest which is now waning) seem to feel that the Word of God, taken straight, is too boring or passe to attract the younger generations. It needs to be 'interpreted' anew. We need to blend it with mythology and psychology and ye olde folkways to gin up a spark of interest, apparently. But as I've been studying, and I mean studying, the Bible I see that those ways are false. Those books have everything anyone could want, but you have to let them (God, really) speak. So what's this got to do with the weirdness you attract? I think there are only two sides in the struggle for our human souls, and no in between. The ideas of interstices are very popular, just revisit a writer like Charles deLint for example. How romantic to think there is a between place/world, kind of shadowy, kind of dangerous. How about flat out treacherous? One of its byproducts is mental imbalance. Sadly, many don't take the danger seriously until they're trapped. I've had experiences similar to yours. Didn't like them, gave up any notion of staying safe by my own efforts.
"I've noticed something of a quietening in the more literary branch of Substack land recently." Same here. Maybe a lot of it is just the typical late-summer behavior, people looking to soak up the last rays before getting back into the grind.
"Something, though, stands out to me that I want to address. It's that there is a current fascination with 'enchantment' as it applies to Christianity, and I'm not sure it's healthy."
Yeah, I agree. And I also agree that "staying safe by (our) own efforts" is a very dangerous illusion. While some attest to Talismans and whatnot, I suspect the "whole armor of God" isn't made of metal, but of much, much sturdier stuff.
I think spiritual danger often manifests as mental illness, so much as to be indistinguishable at times. They can also be fellow travelers, or in a relationship where one, sensing weakness and opportunity, is lured to the other's leaky boat. As with all things, the answer probably isn't "either/or" but "yes and."
Something I try to keep in mind is that all human beings bear the image of God. Not every person is a child of God. There's lots to say about this and what the Bible means when it speaks of "predestined" and "elect". Because I have a puny human intellect I leave that heavy stuff to God, and assume my job is to share the gospel with anyone because I have no idea who is who "from the foundation of the world". I'm not sure if this is "either/or" or "yes and" thinking. In any case, every image bearer must be treated as such.
Masterfully written, as always. I've said it once, I'll say it again you've got quite a way with words, and an uncanny ability to even take what seems to be ruminations and spin a compelling narrative out of it.
With all this talk of madness, I feel compelled to fall back on the old adage of, "The difference between a madman and a prophet is timing." Not to say the kind of people you were describing are nascent prophets, but, when you say you see something more "serious" in people like Ron, I can't help but agree and think of strange individuals like him that I've met over the years - significantly fewer than it sounds like you have, but, especially when I was in college, I seemed to have them coming in and out of my life like clockwork. I think they all had something to teach me. Not wittingly, maybe not directly, but, I already believe that everything happens for a reason, and I certainly don't think these people that most would, rightly or wrongly, cast off as raving lunatics, have nothing to show us, even if it is a terrible warning. Sometimes, in a select few, I almost feel as if there's some sense of warped genius behind their strangeness, but it's something that remains... elusive. Something I just can't quite grasp. I know it's there, but, like reaching for something vague and undefined at the bottom of a thicket of thorns. It might be a rock. It might be a gemstone. But, whatever it is, you'll probably get stuck and cut trying to reach it, so... maybe it's best left where it is.
But, of course, not all of us are so easily dissuaded. Is it it curiosity? Stupidity? Recklessness? Something of all three? Who's to say.
I'm glad to see you back.
A human body is a conduit for many things, yes. Our souls and minds, primarily, but not exclusively. There are other signals that bleed in from that TV snow.
This was really well written! I am very much in the process of sorting through my own thoughts and experiences of a similar variety and much that you said resonates with me. When I used to work in a bar in downtown Memphis, I met all kinds of characters that if you didn't know them yourself, you'd think I was making them up when I describe them. One guy in particular would talk semi-coherently about a single topic for a few seconds, then it was like the radio dial in his brain got turned and all that came over the air was static for a moment, before a new signal would be picked up by his brain for a few seconds until the dial was turned again. It was very unsettling but extremely fascinating to watch. Anyway, this was a great post, and I look forward to reading your next!
I think the "radio dial" analogy is more accurate than we typically think. If the body is the transceiver and the soul is the signal/transmission, it stands to reason that there are other signals floating around out there, looking for a means to transmit.
"I don’t know if it still hunts me, but I no longer care. I’d even hug it if I could. That might work even better than holy water or garlic, for all my dumb ass knows."
Shivers. I do kinda know what you are reaching for. Feeling for. Thank you for writing on it.
And, on behalf of all who you have hugged, thank you.
Also, you know... that hug may *very well be* one of the most powerful "exorcises" there are these days...
I mean, during the darkest days of covid separatism, I found myself becoming an "illicit hug dealer"... ;)
Anyway, with your permission and consent, I would be happy to say druidly prayers and light druidly candles that your path, whereever it takes you, be blessed and blessing.
"I mean, during the darkest days of covid separatism, I found myself becoming an "illicit hug dealer"... ;)"
Hah! Perfectly said.
"Anyway, with your permission and consent, I would be happy to say druidly prayers and light druidly candles that your path, whereever it takes you, be blessed and blessing."
If you think that would help, sure thing. I suspect that even the desire to help is Godly at a certain level, no matter the form it takes. As long as you're not sacrificing any living creature on my behalf. That I will not permit. Otherwise thank you (and God bless you).
Lol! My druidry is entirely of the "revival" kind, not the ancient kind, and blessing and healing our relationship to our other-than-human kin on this earth is our focus.
If it helps to hear a small discourse on my own views of what distinguishes good from evil, here are some thoughts:
1. to relate to others using an "I/You" framing is good, it is what we are here to learn, and it is where love blossoms. This does not *always* mean friendship - sometimes you fight a "you", sometimes you ignore a "you", sometimes you deeply befriend or belove them - but in all cases you are recognising their basic interior selffulness, you are respecting the fact that they have purposes of their own, and are not put here on this earth to serve yours. Whereas to relate to others in an "I/it" framing is to reduce them to some form of instrumentality. To see them as NPC's in your game, to see them as "useful" for purposes of yours, while disregarding any possibility they might have purposes of their own. This is evil. If you know it, Terry Pratchett's character Granny Weatherwax once expressed this beautifully. (Quoted here: https://brer-powerofbabel.blogspot.com/2009/02/granny-weatherwax-on-sin-favorite.html)
2. this means that to relinquish evil is to relinquish attempts to control the world, or of its beings. To choose the better alternative. Which is to live in contentment with what is freely given, to participate in the dance of beings who freely hold out a hand of invitation, and to revel in the joy and the fun of circles of blessing and healing.
I think you have encountered the "feel" of evil, and found yourself fundamentally unconfused, and undaunted. So... you "smell right" to people trying to be equally unconfused and undaunted. A hug from you may very well be an act of blessing and healing, and more of that! So say I.
I am not a Christian, but I do pray, and I do seek to "consort with" those of the physical and spiritual world who bless and those who heal, while building protection against, and refusing to help, those who use, those who confuse, those who daunt the body or the spirit.
If you still consent, then I would pray for you, because you venture into dark places to shine the lights of blessing and healing, and I would pray that you be protected and blessed in your turn.
Had been wondering what had happened to you, and if you were alright. We await with baited breath the denouement of the Harm Assistant, in your own time. There may be an element of PTSD like recapitulation at the Nervous System level in revisiting the material.
I think that's totally possible. After all, it wasn't exactly what I'd call a delightful experience.
Was growing a bit concerned at your not writing, but do get that you’ve somehow pierced the veil. Don’t think you’ve been haunted, but rather your perception has been altered, creating a gap into which all things obscure seem to seek a place to reside temporally. Appreciably strange and a bit scary really, to consider what forces may be trying to manifest through you and your machine. Gotta believe that free will is our greatest solace in these matters and am happy and relieved you’re writing again.
Thanks, Joan.
"Gotta believe that free will is our greatest solace in these matters and am happy and relieved you’re writing again."
I'm not sure if it's my *greatest* solace, but it's the most proximate one I can manage most of the time. I can at the very least choose to not do evil. How to do the best good is a different sort of problem I'm working on, and I get the sense I'll need outside help with that.
Am under the impression that most of us are teetering on the edge of a precipice. That of which reality is poised to engulf us with our beliefs that are tangentially connected to our will. Think we need to tread lightly lest we stumble and inadvertently pierce the veil.
It's in your eyes. I've never seen them, but I'm pretty sure about that. They see your soul acknowledge them, and they gravitate to it. The soul of most people is not so visible. Their pouring out to you is their hunger for their own soul they have lost.
In magical circles we talk about the importance of ethics, body, mind and spirit. Should one summon a thing without that ethical strength it can control you. If your ethics are sound, you control it, or let it go, or not summon it at all. You were very young and surely not ready for the magic you were practicing. I think it was the same with the harm assistant; I seem to recall how much you were working, drinking, how little you were sleeping. That does not mean you are controlled, or broken, or cannot heal. I think it does mean you might need some help clearing that energy, to free yourself from this. That, and an ethical practice.
"It's in your eyes. I've never seen them, but I'm pretty sure about that."
You might be right. "Windows to the soul" often seem like more than just an analogy, given their bidirectional transmission properties. Although, funny enough, I was wearing my shades when Ron accosted us, and was purposely looking away when he came over, in the hopes he'd pass us by.
"In magical circles we talk about the importance of ethics, body, mind and spirit. Should one summon a thing without that ethical strength it can control you. If your ethics are sound, you control it, or let it go, or not summon it at all. "
I know we disagree on this. But I think all such control is temporary and illusory, and that the final node of advice you give here is the best option. I suspect that over time, the master inevitably becomes the dog on the leash.. These things are quite clever, and their intelligence very humanlike (especially in their capacity to deceive).
One might expand the eye analogy and suggest, the soul filters through the whole body, or what some would refer to as the etheric body, and the astral body, which some would call the aura. We all certainly have an electro-magnetic field, some more vibrant than others. As to not summoning anything at all, there are more than demons in the universe. But then, I am not particularly interested in being master of anything or anyone but myself.
As I’ve gotten older I have let myself become more open to “visiting/premonition dreams”. Etc. My sister is a shaman & says she always had “spirits” visit in her dreams .. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t believe her for many years until it started happening to me.....after speaking with a few cousins , who I discovered 2 who have had similar dreams....
Always keep an open mind 🙏❤️
Thanks, Julie. I wouldn't even call them dreams. The only similarity seems to be that they happen when are sleeping, or when our brain's typical defenses are otherwise weakened and/or altered.
I am like you... a cuckoo magnet. That is one of the main reasons I can't live in a city. Sometimes when I am visiting a city and I don't want to take the time to hear the life story of every lunatic that passes me by, I imagine I put on a cloak that makes my energetic frequency match all the other people who are more self absorbed. It works for me, and I have played around with energetically taking it on and off in crowds and watched the results.
I think most bipolar people have a keen sense of energetics. They can feel perhaps even hear the frequency of someone who is open to listening. They also seem to know who has ventured into dark realms.
I feel like they have me pinned as a kind person who is willing to listen yet also they always seem to somehow know I have traveled through the shadow. I have had some beautiful encounters as well as some really scary ones. And as a 5 foot blonde chick, who is scrappy but also realistic, I don't always want yo take chances with crazy people.
I don't know how you live in New York as someone who is so open. I have to mentally prepare when going up a city because I almost always end up sick. Too many thoughts in the ethers for me, too much chaos energy. My mind always feels like it is on overdrive, spinning wheels for other people.
I also can say I feel more sane then most people I know and yet everything you speak of here seems like I could have written it myself. (Except you wont find me spiking my iced tea, or anything for that matter.) To me you don't sound crazy, you sound like someone who has a gift that needs to be honed. I wish you lots of luck in finding a teacher or discovering some knowledge to help you better cope with your gift of traveling through realms.
Im glad I stumbled upon your writing I am excited to read more.
Thanks, Deborah. And welcome!
I know what you mean about cities and their energy. Lots of frequencies and signals bouncing around, instrumentally measurable and otherwise. I remember I once hosted visitors from out-of-town, and their children were absolutely spellbound and delirious as we walked around, totally unprepared for all those crazy waves and frequencies and whatnot. It came off as kind of comical to my wife and I.
"And as a 5 foot blonde chick, who is scrappy but also realistic, I don't always want yo take chances with crazy people."
A wise policy, even for big strapping lads like me. That's kind of what I meant by "given all that I know." I've been around the block a few thousand times, and know very well the dangers they can present. That's why I found it kinda off that I would hug them.
"I also can say I feel more sane then most people I know and yet everything you speak of here seems like I could have written it myself."
To be clear, I don't think I'm crazy (but then again, who does?). But I also wouldn't call it a gift, per se. Unless it's the kind of giftwrapped present you hear ticking. Like I said, I don't know much about what's *really* going on. But I know far more than before, and enough to know how dangerous it can be.
The other day I learned about "Skittles parties." Teens will, apparently, raid their parents' medicine cabinets, pour the pills into a bowl, give it a good mix, and then pop a handful of randos. So when the EMTs show up, they can't figure out exactly what combination of meds has caused little Jonathan to pass out.
Just one example out of many (remember that depraved Balenciaga ad campaign?) of a malice that is very real, but can't easily be explained in rational terms, and maybe can't be explained at all.
Anyway, it feels like you and Yakubian Ape are in a weird-off, and I am here for it.
Damn, Cliff. That gives a whole new meaning to "Taste the Rainbow."
I actually wrote a bit about the Balenciaga deal, as well as some other broken kayfabe and peeks behind the mask. It seems a lot of these folks can't wait to "come out" and tell us who they really are.
https://markbisone.substack.com/p/popes-postulate
Hey Mark (not your real name? doesn't matter), this piece deserves critical praise, but I have something important to say to you. Not kidding, this is IMPORTANT. I do not think you should continue with the story of the Harm Assistant. Not for the closure (?) of putting it into words, and certainly not for the satisfaction of our curiosity. Let that fucker lie. Do not take it out of the Faraday box again. Bury it--literally--six feet deep. Burning it would be even better. You escaped from its claws, so why would you go back and start playing footsie with it again?? I am speaking to you as one who believes: BURY. IT.
When you've done that part, some deliverance prayers wouldn't go amiss. I recommend Father Ripperger's book, Deliverance Prayers for Use of the Laity. I have this book and have resorted to it when I did something dumb out of curiosity, such as--I feel stupid for admitting this, but whatever--reading Ecosophia, John Michael Greer's blog. Greer is a fount of interesting and provocative ideas; sure he's an astrologist and occult practitioner, but eh, I'm not reading THOSE posts, so ... Color me dumb. I'm not going to recount here what happened, but I fled straight to my deliverance prayers, and haven't looked at that blog since.
The internet is more dangerous than we think. But these dangers pale in comparison to what you're dealing with it. So dude, GET RID OF IT.
Oh and FFS don't *hug* it. It is not human, OK? It's trying to get to you through your generous, compassionate heart. Nope. Get no closer to it than you need to to splash the (metaphorical, literal) gasoline on it and throw the match.
I think Mark can tell the story without hugging it - whenever that time comes. There is no hurry; it could arrive a decade from now. I believe The Harm Assistant is an original work of genius, which will stand the test of time and need not consume its master. There is no such thing as a Substack schedule. Many authors are declining to be scheduled - so good on them. Talkin' About a Revolution.
I was usefully taught, a few decades ago, that you should never publish unless you have something worthwhile to say, and people will respect you for that.
Well done Mark, whoever you are.
Karen
Thanks Karen.
"I was usefully taught, a few decades ago, that you should never publish unless you have something worthwhile to say, and people will respect you for that."
That seems like sound advice.
"Oh and FFS don't *hug* it. It is not human, OK?"
I know. That was basically a joke. I was mocking it. Believe it or not, that teactic seems to have helped in the past. Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but I've have a feeling we are all differently armed, in the spiritual sense.
Hi Felix.
Thanks for your advice. Like I mentioned above, I don't think it "lives" in there, only one of its former toys that's covered with its slime and stench. Of course, clearly that can be dangerous in itself, even if the device seems to be falling apart on its own.
I will read up on deliverance prayers and take this under advisement. It's just one of those things I don't want to somehow screw up again. For instance, isn't burial a form of consecration (or at least strongly linked to it)?
You sure seem to be a loon lightning rod, but from what I’ve read and from whatever small interactions I’ve had here and at Deimos, maybe the light we loons see is attention. But interacting with loons is a good thing, sometimes.
As for your project, perhaps it is not the daemon you think you might have invoked, but you simply built a “they live” pair of coding glasses. It is not in that computer, IMNSHO, you’re just percolating the daemons true thought and intentions and, because every code monkey is his fist guinea pig, being subject to its full and unfiltered action (if what I have written even make any sense).
Anyway, glad to see you back.
Thanks, Jota.
"It is not in that computer, IMNSHO, you’re just percolating the daemons true thought and intentions and, because every code monkey is his fist guinea pig, being subject to its full and unfiltered action (if what I have written even make any sense)."
I don't think it's in the machine either. That was just a toy it played with (and so was I, to some degree). I mostly just think it has its "stink" all over it, so to speak, and therefore is a bit dangerous to play with myself.
“ I have the same question pertaining to God and the devil. Yes, they exist. But what exactly am I supposed to do with that?”
Pick sides and help.