Ha ha ha! No, I've invested many thousands of hours into programming, sometimes even happily (though I have suffered dealing with seemingly intractable bugs when complexity exceeds my mind's capacity). I mean the path of vicarious horror.
I my map, vicarious horror gets incorporated into my subconscious in a way indistinguishable from real life. Vicarious trauma impacts me like real trauma.
Thanks for your raw candor, Mark. While I can't say that I "enjoyed" reading this piece, I chose to read it *because of* you being up-front with your personal experience during the build/whatever. (Also, it reminded me of a recent blog-commenting friend of mine who either dumped me or dumped Substack altogether, and he was a coder / physicist / geometer / insane-dude who I happened to learn to love quite deeply).
The only thing that I found "wrong" (as in "do no harm") in this article is this:
"...I knew that my Harm Assistant was the heart of the project...."
Harm and Heart are incompatible. The heart is our Divine Life-Force! Yes, we may occasionally be called to "defend" our life, our family, our property, and our possessions against those who intend harm. Like "Harm Assistant." We living breathing heart-centered spiritual men and women *defend ourselves* against the heartless Harm Assistants of the world, IRL or on the websies.
So what I'm saying is, "Harm Assistant" has no heart, is not associated with the heart, and cannot be equated with anything related to the heart or heart-centered consciousness.
We have all done crazy things in our lives (well, I have!), and the point is that we are not responsible for that insanity because the black magicians have deceived us and our parents ("ancestral trauma"). However, we do become responsible once we "real-eyes" the fact that we were duped and did "wrongs," and then we must reconnect with our Divinity and amend our ways.
That time is NOW.
I've got a long weekend of music and other creative endeavors on my plate this weekend, but I'm looking forward to reading Part 2 of this article.
I wish you and yours excellent health and well-being.
Thanks, man. Although I'm not sure I'm autistic (if so, then undiagnosed), I do believe my memory approaches eidetic, but only when pertaining to certain subjects. For example, I can remember every frame and sound of films I enjoy, and every note of music from songs I love.
One hell of a story! Very well written. Intense and real.
(And I'm not sure this is a life path I will be glad I vicariously took - I'm not a fan of horror, heh.)
Which path? Programming?
Ha ha ha! No, I've invested many thousands of hours into programming, sometimes even happily (though I have suffered dealing with seemingly intractable bugs when complexity exceeds my mind's capacity). I mean the path of vicarious horror.
I my map, vicarious horror gets incorporated into my subconscious in a way indistinguishable from real life. Vicarious trauma impacts me like real trauma.
"(though I have suffered dealing with seemingly intractable bugs when complexity exceeds my mind's capacity)"
I'm right there with you, brother!
Gobsmacked. Glad you got out of that one alive, Mark.
Thanks for your raw candor, Mark. While I can't say that I "enjoyed" reading this piece, I chose to read it *because of* you being up-front with your personal experience during the build/whatever. (Also, it reminded me of a recent blog-commenting friend of mine who either dumped me or dumped Substack altogether, and he was a coder / physicist / geometer / insane-dude who I happened to learn to love quite deeply).
The only thing that I found "wrong" (as in "do no harm") in this article is this:
"...I knew that my Harm Assistant was the heart of the project...."
Harm and Heart are incompatible. The heart is our Divine Life-Force! Yes, we may occasionally be called to "defend" our life, our family, our property, and our possessions against those who intend harm. Like "Harm Assistant." We living breathing heart-centered spiritual men and women *defend ourselves* against the heartless Harm Assistants of the world, IRL or on the websies.
So what I'm saying is, "Harm Assistant" has no heart, is not associated with the heart, and cannot be equated with anything related to the heart or heart-centered consciousness.
We have all done crazy things in our lives (well, I have!), and the point is that we are not responsible for that insanity because the black magicians have deceived us and our parents ("ancestral trauma"). However, we do become responsible once we "real-eyes" the fact that we were duped and did "wrongs," and then we must reconnect with our Divinity and amend our ways.
That time is NOW.
I've got a long weekend of music and other creative endeavors on my plate this weekend, but I'm looking forward to reading Part 2 of this article.
I wish you and yours excellent health and well-being.
Thanks, man. Although I'm not sure I'm autistic (if so, then undiagnosed), I do believe my memory approaches eidetic, but only when pertaining to certain subjects. For example, I can remember every frame and sound of films I enjoy, and every note of music from songs I love.
Thanks Nina. No worries; even though it was a bumpy ride, and changed me in many ways, the story has a happy(ish) ending.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8KdtJOCzOU